Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Back from the Land of Nod
Ok folks, been a while I know. Hows life? Doesn't seem like many in the southeastern part are lovin it right now. WTF. WTF. WTF. Craziness. Its been frontpage news over here, so pretty much the whole world is keeping up with it.
So I got back from summer camp a week ago and got a job. I'm working with an acting troupe that goes around the city/country and acts plays that teach present perfect and 2nd conditional and other such nonsense. I haven't started yet, only rehearsing. But it should be interesting, if nothing else. Keep you updated on the front.
As far as summer camp goes, it was a blast. So, the gist of it is this. Young American male, hungover and stoned, gets on a bus with 100 Czech teenagers. Chaos insues. I'm the only person in the whole camp that doesnt speak Czech. Makes for interesting situations.
Baseball
Since I was the only American in the whole camp, I was by default the best baseball and basketball player they had ever seen. It was a bit strange as I'm not really that good at either sport. But what can I say? I kicked the shit out of some 13 yr olds. I hit a homerun, (which isnt hard to do with a tennis ball and a fungo) and they go nuts. The first two days I was there, nobody talked to me, and then I got kids taking pictures of me while im walking to dinner. I became a bit of a celebrity. Very odd feeling. Ok so the kids have never really played baseball before, but they were very excited to learn. Only problem: They are so stupid, that they dont even know English. I thought shouting at them would make their feeble brains understand plain English, but these neanderthals looked at me like I was from a different planet. Try explaining the infield fly rule to morons without out becoming a cutter. Go ahead. I've got the (totally bitchin') scars to prove it. But alas, I got someone to translate and I was able to treat my wounds before I passed out (which would have totally kicked ass.)
We are the Fucking World
Ok so every morning at 8am we had morning exercises. Your typical gradeschool/communist method of lining the soft minds of young children up and doing synchronized calisthenics to such numbers as YMCA, hokey-pokey, and boom-chica-boom. It actually did the trick. I was awake and ready to go after about 5 minutes of this trip. It became a very strange experience for me as I was a counselor and HAD to do it. I felt like a puppet at the hands of the the evil Pavel Smutny, waving Czech Korunas in front of my face and telling me to dance for hellers. Oh yeah. This guy loved "We are the World". You know that played-out, trite piece of garbage that is supposed to solve all the world's problems? No, not Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train", no, not Lil John's "Yeah". "We are the World". This motherfucker loved the song. Adored it, couldn't get enough. Played it ten times a day, didnt even know the words, but he'll be damned if the American doesn't sing America's song for the world. Great. So I am in charge of getting all the kids to learn the words, (which, by the way, the lyrics he gave me were so off) and act like I love the song. Any meaning that the song could have had for me is now lost in the abyss of mind-numbing dereliction. If there is a hell, I now know what song will be on repeat. My own personal "Crying Game".
Ok, entry one done. More to come from summer camp later. I promise I had a blast, despite my incessant need to be as cynical as possible. :)
So I got back from summer camp a week ago and got a job. I'm working with an acting troupe that goes around the city/country and acts plays that teach present perfect and 2nd conditional and other such nonsense. I haven't started yet, only rehearsing. But it should be interesting, if nothing else. Keep you updated on the front.
As far as summer camp goes, it was a blast. So, the gist of it is this. Young American male, hungover and stoned, gets on a bus with 100 Czech teenagers. Chaos insues. I'm the only person in the whole camp that doesnt speak Czech. Makes for interesting situations.
Baseball
Since I was the only American in the whole camp, I was by default the best baseball and basketball player they had ever seen. It was a bit strange as I'm not really that good at either sport. But what can I say? I kicked the shit out of some 13 yr olds. I hit a homerun, (which isnt hard to do with a tennis ball and a fungo) and they go nuts. The first two days I was there, nobody talked to me, and then I got kids taking pictures of me while im walking to dinner. I became a bit of a celebrity. Very odd feeling. Ok so the kids have never really played baseball before, but they were very excited to learn. Only problem: They are so stupid, that they dont even know English. I thought shouting at them would make their feeble brains understand plain English, but these neanderthals looked at me like I was from a different planet. Try explaining the infield fly rule to morons without out becoming a cutter. Go ahead. I've got the (totally bitchin') scars to prove it. But alas, I got someone to translate and I was able to treat my wounds before I passed out (which would have totally kicked ass.)
We are the Fucking World
Ok so every morning at 8am we had morning exercises. Your typical gradeschool/communist method of lining the soft minds of young children up and doing synchronized calisthenics to such numbers as YMCA, hokey-pokey, and boom-chica-boom. It actually did the trick. I was awake and ready to go after about 5 minutes of this trip. It became a very strange experience for me as I was a counselor and HAD to do it. I felt like a puppet at the hands of the the evil Pavel Smutny, waving Czech Korunas in front of my face and telling me to dance for hellers. Oh yeah. This guy loved "We are the World". You know that played-out, trite piece of garbage that is supposed to solve all the world's problems? No, not Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train", no, not Lil John's "Yeah". "We are the World". This motherfucker loved the song. Adored it, couldn't get enough. Played it ten times a day, didnt even know the words, but he'll be damned if the American doesn't sing America's song for the world. Great. So I am in charge of getting all the kids to learn the words, (which, by the way, the lyrics he gave me were so off) and act like I love the song. Any meaning that the song could have had for me is now lost in the abyss of mind-numbing dereliction. If there is a hell, I now know what song will be on repeat. My own personal "Crying Game".
Ok, entry one done. More to come from summer camp later. I promise I had a blast, despite my incessant need to be as cynical as possible. :)
