Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Repeat after me, bitch! I come in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit!
With great enthusiasm, I am proud to say that my spiritual search is over. And it ends right where it began: with Jesus Christ. Enjoy.
The Spirit of Truth
The Spirit of Truth
Monday, May 22, 2006
For Andy
Ok so I think I'm fully adjusted back into the Fucked Up States of Amorica. SUVs don't look nearly as foreboding of the end of the world as they did when I first arrived and fat people don't look like they're as hungry for young, supple Expat EuroTrash. And I'm getting spoiled rotten by all things parental. Flew back into Gulfport and went down to the strip. Damn. Looks like it hit yesterday. Spent a couple of days at home with the fam and then got thrown back into College, Spring Hill Styzzie.
The first night I was there, some krazy kids set up tarps on the golf course for boozenslide. Yahweh, being the caring intervening divination that He is, was happy to oblige us with a thunderstorm of ferocity. Muff got things started by funneling a beer and making the magic leap. Then he wowed us again by donning his birthday suit and taking the plunge. Somebody should have told his ass cheeks not to open their dirty mouth. Mental Scars! Mental Scars! So then the girlies got involved and made the weeping stop and it was fun had by all. Almost all. Apparently there is something called bottles. When used appropriately they are a delicious way of consuming a malt beverage. When thrown off 3-story balconies for hilarity's sake they can be nasty droppings for unsuspecting Girls Gone Wild. A couple folks went to the hospital. It is rumored that P-Nut got slashed from gut to groin. What kids won't do for College's Sake.
The rest of the weekend went as scheduled. Drink, get drunk, get stoned, get crunk, creep, pass out, repeat.
An excellent post graduation party held at Felix's Beachside was enjoyed by myself and most of the seniors that I allowed entrance. I had to turn away the Guzy's on account of all four girls plus both parents in one party signifies the beginning of the Apocalypse, as foretold in Revelations 14: 8-10. After Felix's, went to Wegmann's and rolled a phat game of Yahtz. Almost a Virgie. That's the second sign of said Apocalypse. Really cutting it close. Went to Pat's downtown for an, honestly, lackluster graduation party. I did get to see McAuliffe get angry, apologize, try to leave without a ride, come back inside, get more drunky and pass out. One more time.
The next day I was awakened by my sister's ex-boyfriend returning a tv set at 3 in the afternoon. Its hard to punch someone in the face when youre still delirious and disoriented. You one that battle. The day of reckoning will come. You know who you are.
On Tuesday, I was invited down to the beach and willingly obliged. But first, a haircut was in order. I've been growing my hair longer than Irving has been growing his monkey suit and Matty needed some loving by Jeff poste haste. Unfortunately our beloved man-candy moved on to greener pastures and I was stuck with Melanie, his portly chair wench. I don't think she did anything, but she charged me for it, nonetheless.
On the interstate, I got a blowout in the green Accent and had to pull off and change the tire with 18 wheelers just feet away. I got it done, but still didn't beat my record in ATL, Dom. Damn.
Finally got to the beach and had a goddamn blast. Meredith made a hot Mexican night buffet and we danced and drank the night away listening to Selena sing in English. Went to Flora-Bama expecting to see it in tatters, but was up and running and helped us along the way to inebriation faster than you can say "Cotten-Eyed Joe".
The next two days are a bit blurry, but you know the story. Wake up grab a beer, go to the beach, pretend to be coherent enough to throw the football, fail miserably, pass out on the beach, get burned, wake up, eat dinner, take a nap, get stupid. The last night we went back to FB to do more Bushwackering and I ran into James Rutter. You know, its nice when you can have a civil conversation with someone with whom you have almost nothing in common with, except that you are sharing a common experience Here and Now.
Woke up at noon, said goodbyes, and took off back to Mobile to pack for a week in Maryland. So here I am in Annapolis for my brother's graduation from the Naval Academy. I'll fill you in on the rest of my journeys at a later date. Sorry for not updating this 'jaunt' in a timely manner, but my flashes of brilliance have been few and far between.
The first night I was there, some krazy kids set up tarps on the golf course for boozenslide. Yahweh, being the caring intervening divination that He is, was happy to oblige us with a thunderstorm of ferocity. Muff got things started by funneling a beer and making the magic leap. Then he wowed us again by donning his birthday suit and taking the plunge. Somebody should have told his ass cheeks not to open their dirty mouth. Mental Scars! Mental Scars! So then the girlies got involved and made the weeping stop and it was fun had by all. Almost all. Apparently there is something called bottles. When used appropriately they are a delicious way of consuming a malt beverage. When thrown off 3-story balconies for hilarity's sake they can be nasty droppings for unsuspecting Girls Gone Wild. A couple folks went to the hospital. It is rumored that P-Nut got slashed from gut to groin. What kids won't do for College's Sake.
The rest of the weekend went as scheduled. Drink, get drunk, get stoned, get crunk, creep, pass out, repeat.
An excellent post graduation party held at Felix's Beachside was enjoyed by myself and most of the seniors that I allowed entrance. I had to turn away the Guzy's on account of all four girls plus both parents in one party signifies the beginning of the Apocalypse, as foretold in Revelations 14: 8-10. After Felix's, went to Wegmann's and rolled a phat game of Yahtz. Almost a Virgie. That's the second sign of said Apocalypse. Really cutting it close. Went to Pat's downtown for an, honestly, lackluster graduation party. I did get to see McAuliffe get angry, apologize, try to leave without a ride, come back inside, get more drunky and pass out. One more time.
The next day I was awakened by my sister's ex-boyfriend returning a tv set at 3 in the afternoon. Its hard to punch someone in the face when youre still delirious and disoriented. You one that battle. The day of reckoning will come. You know who you are.
On Tuesday, I was invited down to the beach and willingly obliged. But first, a haircut was in order. I've been growing my hair longer than Irving has been growing his monkey suit and Matty needed some loving by Jeff poste haste. Unfortunately our beloved man-candy moved on to greener pastures and I was stuck with Melanie, his portly chair wench. I don't think she did anything, but she charged me for it, nonetheless.
On the interstate, I got a blowout in the green Accent and had to pull off and change the tire with 18 wheelers just feet away. I got it done, but still didn't beat my record in ATL, Dom. Damn.
Finally got to the beach and had a goddamn blast. Meredith made a hot Mexican night buffet and we danced and drank the night away listening to Selena sing in English. Went to Flora-Bama expecting to see it in tatters, but was up and running and helped us along the way to inebriation faster than you can say "Cotten-Eyed Joe".
The next two days are a bit blurry, but you know the story. Wake up grab a beer, go to the beach, pretend to be coherent enough to throw the football, fail miserably, pass out on the beach, get burned, wake up, eat dinner, take a nap, get stupid. The last night we went back to FB to do more Bushwackering and I ran into James Rutter. You know, its nice when you can have a civil conversation with someone with whom you have almost nothing in common with, except that you are sharing a common experience Here and Now.
Woke up at noon, said goodbyes, and took off back to Mobile to pack for a week in Maryland. So here I am in Annapolis for my brother's graduation from the Naval Academy. I'll fill you in on the rest of my journeys at a later date. Sorry for not updating this 'jaunt' in a timely manner, but my flashes of brilliance have been few and far between.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Where the Fuck am I?
I'm not in Prague anymore and I'm freaking out. More to come as the neurotic tendencies wax and wane.
