The (Mis)Adventures of Matt Lyon

Alright kiddies. Round two is finally finished and ready for takeoff. So after Istanbul, we got on a bus and headed to Varna, Bulgaria. A nice little drive that took us through the outskirts of Istanbul to give us a glimpse of how the city folk in Turkey really live. Crowded streets with even more cramped buildings; sad, down-trodden apartments that seemed to have been morose since the day they were built. Tenants whose very nature seemed to have been transformed by their surroundings. But ours was just a glimpse of the other half and we were soon on our way into the dark Balkans. On the bus we met a very nice Bulgarian woman named Valena who was kind enough to help us find a hotel once we got in at six in the morning.. Unable to check in until noon, we dropped our stuff off and high-tailed it to the beach. The Black Sea is something of a mix between Mobile Bay and a garbage dump. The waves were almost nonexistent and the beach was rough with cigarette butts and 70 year-old breasts. But a welcome respite, nonetheless. And Meghan was stoked to be at the beach after an 8 month divorce. Slept and dreamt of traveling the world in my own backyard and awoke to her beautiful face, as she showered me with affection. With our stomachs growling and our faces burning we decided to get out of the sun for a bit and stumbled into one of the coolest places either one of us have ever been to. Dubbed aLounge, its a beach deck the size of a baseball field with two pools in the middle. White leather beds complete with cabana girls surrounded the pools and were available for 8 Leva ($5) all day long. House is the music of choice in this swank cranny and there is plenty of it, day and night. I’ll never be in a sweeter jaunt unless I’m an extra in some fake California reality show chronicling the life of Jackie Kennedy Onassis or Anne Bancroft.

In the evening we ate Dinner and took a walk down the strip of clubs to see what we could see. Interesting clubs (with cover being only 2 Leva) but lacking in beats. Mostly dance-pop with some bad bootie bass to make it just slightly unbearable. The next morning we woke up and headed back to the beach for even more fun in the sun. The funny thing about Bulgaria is that it still uses the Cyrillic alphabet, so almost everything is not only in a different language, but also different texts. Not only do they have a completely incomprehensible language, but they also shake their heads ‘yes’ and nod ‘no’. I thought this part of human communication was part of some inherent psychology, but apparently not. Now I must requestion my entire existence as a human being. It makes doing things on your own almost impossible. Fortunately English is their second language, so we had zero trouble doing anything. The next day we went to the archaeological museum and were blown away by what we saw. Art and tools dating back to the 5^th century BC. Roman bath ruins and leftovers from the Ottoman days really let you know that you’re very near the cradle of civilization, which was only a mere 700 miles away.

We went back to aLounge for our last night in Varna and laid by the pool listening to the beats of the jock until we could stand it no longer and ran to the beach for our own personal dance party.

The Bulgarians we met in Varna were such nice people, caring not that we were wandering idiots and incredibly helpful and compassionate. We did see a disproportionate amount of stray dogs though. The funny thing was that all of them had been tagged in the ear by some authority. Which begs the question, do they not have pounds? What good is it to brand a dog “stray”? Our minds blown, we nonetheless shared our love with some of the lovesick creatures, one of which took a liking to us and decided to protect us all the way home. She walked between us and whenever something threatening appeared, be it another dog or a misshapen bush, she would bark and growl and do everything in her power to let us know that she can serve a purpose for us and that she would make a loyal and trustworthy addition to our imagined home. Despite our best efforts, dogs were not allowed in the hotel and thus, we parted ways with our new friend with the greatest of unease. Our train didn’t leave until 10 the next night so we checked out of our hotel and spent all day at the Lounge, soaking up the sun, playing chess, and giggling to ourselves.

We took the overnight train to Bucharest and arrived at 7 in the morning and passed out at the hostel. We woke up and got our bearings of the city. First impressions: Weak. Bucharest reminds me of what would happen if a crazy dictator decided to destroy 1000 year old buildings and replace them with poorly constructed Soviet apartment blocks. Oh wait. Yeah, you get the picture. Bucharest is poor, unsightly, and worst of all, poor. So the quick story behind the last reign of Nicolae Ceauşescu: dude gets power in 1965. Not only outlaws abortion and contraception, but makes it illegal to not have kids, whether married or single. What a punch in the gut to the dude that can’t get any play to begin with. Not only does the pain of rejection sting, he also gets slapped with a fine by the government for not getting laid. By the late 60’s the population swelled and the number of street kids was running amuk. Especially with the amount of Romy (Gypsy) population growing, Romania became known as a cancer on the USSR. In 1989, whilst giving a celebratory speech to workers, we was booed off his balcony. Rumor has it that he told his military general to fire upon the crowd. When the general refused to give orders, he was killed. He was finally forced out, escaped for a brief instance, but was soon captured by the army. Quickly tried, and executed, along with his wife. Nationally broadcast. Nonetheless, hundreds of people were killed during the uprising and millions more were affected.

So Romania is the country I visited that is still stinging from Communist dictatorship in a major way. Whilst sitting at a café, we were hounded 4 times in 20 minutes for money. Beggars are everywhere and its really heartbreaking to see the way some people there live. We were in an internet café that had a hole in the floor. In the room below, there were workers yelling and screaming. And digging. Digging a hole for what I’m not sure, but it definitely didn’t seem to be on the up-and-up. We met a couple on the train who told us about personal feelings and experiences and it’s really amazing to be in a place where something like this happened. His legacy as a megalomaniac is evident in the Palace of the People. 1200 rooms. 1400 chandeliers, marble and carpet as far as the eye can see. Second largest building in the world, next to the Pentagon. Still under construction. sick sick sick.

After Bucharest, we were happy to get to Budapest. Another 6 am arrival, and another noon check-in. Wandered and got food. First impressions: like Prague, only….not. Great views of the river and the night life is up and kicking. Had an apartment surrounded by real-life Hungarians. They have lobsters crawling out of their ears. Ok enough for today. Check pics yo.

Who birthed this Idiot?

# posted by Matt Lyon @ 7:56 AM