The (Mis)Adventures of Matt Lyon

bSo the trip to Kuala Lumpur was a bit longer than expected. 4 hour ferry to the mainland. 1 hour overcrowded bus ride the the transport hub. 4 hour wait for the connecting bus. When it shows up, there are 7 seats too few and since its supposed to be an overnight bus, we protest and after an hour on the side of the road the driver arranges for a minivan to transport the spillover. We drive at a snail's pace and after 5 hours arrive at Hat Yai around 8PM. At this point, the bus driver forgets all his English leaves 40 travelers at a hotel, waving. Long story short, all of us arrange for a bus to pick us up in the morning to take us across the border and to Kuala Lumpur. Staying in a hotel instead of the bus was fine with as we had added in 2 days buffer before our flight to Borneo but others weren't as far-sighted and had planes to catch the next day. Lots of screaming and yelling. Another 10 or so hours of travel the next day landed us in KL around 8PM the next night. We stayed in a hostel with no windows in Chinatown. The manager had a pet monkey. Mildly entertaining. Mostly saddening. We spent 2 days wandering KL, but generally ended up at the Petronas Towers, once the tallest buildings in the world, wandering the pristine mall and taking in a midnight showing of Avatar 3D. On January 6th we boarded a plane for Sandakan, Borneo. About 20 minutes into the flight, the captain comes on and tells us there's been a problem and we have to return to KL. We were supposed to circle for 20 minutes to burn fuel. 2 hours later we were still circling and Meghan had worst-case scenarios worked up in her head. Thankfully we landed safely, but with no explanation as to why we circled so long or what the problem really was. Everyone deplaned and boarded a new plane. Meghan was having none of it. After about 90 minutes of going back and forth we decided we would try again in two days. So we went back to KL, got a nicer hotel room and spoiled ourselves with Italian dinners and movies. Dr. Parnassus. Could've been so much better. Two days later we successfully made it to Sandakan. We passed the taxis offering rides into town for $8 and got the bus for 50 cents. A small triumph against overcharging travelers. Sandakan was nice but not great. It allowed us to get our feet wet in Borneo and we arranged a trip into the jungle. We arrived to Bukit on the Kinabatangan River in Sabah and spent 3 days on river and jungle treks, searching for Orangutans, Probiscis Monkeys, Elephants, Kingfishers, Hornbills, Crocodiles, among others. It was really great, although the Palm Oil trees sometimes came right up to the riverbanks. Its really sad. A lot of Malaysia Borneo has been sold out to foreign Palm Oil companies and enormous swaths of land have been bulldozed to make way for Palm trees. Along with the trees go the ecosystem and habitat of countless species. No doubt many many animal and plant species were made extinct because of this. It is a total disgrace and we all use palm oil without ever really knowing it. Like so many things in this world, the products we use tend to have a significant effect on the environment and of course the corporations are none too happy to publicize these inconvenient truths. Unilever, for example, makes everything from peanut butter to shampoo, all with the help of palm oil. It is a real shame. (Step off soap box.)

After Kinabatangan, we took a bus to Semporna, the eastern tip of Malaysian Borneo and gateway to SCUBA paradise. A night at the Dragon Inn, a 'floating' hotel and a scramble to find a dive shop we liked landed us in the worthy hands of Sue Keevil, a lovable Brit. She sorted us out and the next morning we were on a boat headed to the island of Mabul. On the way we got to see Semporna from the water. I like to call it the 'Venice of the East'. Row after row, canal after canal of stilted houses and hovels. An amazing way to live. We arrived to our homestay on Mabul and spent a total 8 days diving and drinking, drinking and diving. Funnily enough, a kid we met at the airport in San Pedro Sula Honduras last year showed up as our divemaster on Mabul. We shared a bus to the coast and had dinner together, then parted ways the next morning. He's our motherloving dive instructor in fathercuddling Borneo. Small world once more. The island is a meditation on balance between the rich and the poor. A smattering of dive shops on stilts and inland, villagers just living. You can walk around the whole island in about an hour. There was a resort on the other side, a literal stone's throw from shacks. The unluckiest on the island weren't even on the island at all. "Sea gypsies". Filipino refugees living on boats, 'docking' at low tide. When it rained, vigilance was needed day and night to bucket out the water. They fish and cook on the boat. Pretty wild stuff. Anyway, we had an amazing time diving unbelievable sites. Among the strangest encounters were ornate ghost pipefish, lionfish, cuttlefish, parrotfish, frogfish, stonefish, reef sharks, nudibranchs. Google any of these and be prepared for a wild ride into Mother Nature's mad laboratory. Just downright weird, most of them. We got our Advanced Open Water certification. We did a night dive, got into some pitch black bizarro realms. The mind is a funny thing, likes to make something out of nothing. A fun little trick is waving your hand in front of you and seeing it light up with phosphorous. I loved it. The wreck dive was also a trip, looking for pieces of eight on the fingers of skeletons. Not exactly, but surreal nonetheless. Seeing the wreck appear out of the blue with thousands of fish all moving in synchronicity was a nice little mindscrew. I love diving. Love it. We did 3 dives at the famed Sipadan, the place Jacques Cousteau described, “I have seen other places like Sipadan… 45 years ago. Now we have found again an untouched piece of art.” He was right. An island in the middle of the Celebes Sea, with a towering coral wall that is just teeming with sea life. Anything and everything can be seen there. It is fantastic. I highly recommend you go. Now. I'll wait.

We had to bid a found farewell to all of our new friends and our new home and set sail for Kota Kinabalu. Kota Kinabalu is the biggest city in Sabah, but was a bit of a disappointment. Meghan got a viral infection and was bedridden for about a week. So our time was spent laying around watching movies and surfing the interweb. I caught the Saints Vikings game on ESPN dot com. Just the gameday play by play, which had my jumping up and down at every update. That was really the highlight of the week to be honest. We saw the hospital. That was neat.

So we flew back to Kuala Lumpur and went straight to the bus station and caught a night bus back to Hat Yai Thailand. Goodbye Muslim America, hello Land of Smiles (for the 3rd time). That morning we spent an hour eating breakfast and then hopped a van to Krabi. Got to the pier in mid afternoon, put our stuff on a longtail boat and made the 20 minute ride to TonSai. Oh what a delight! Clear Turquoise water with jutting rock formations and white sand beaches. Our new Argentine friends found a couple of bungalows 50 feet off the beach for $12 a night. It's yet another paradise. Rock climbers come the world over to this beach. Imagine climbing up a rock wall 90 feet up then looking out to the most beautiful beach with limestone formations offshore at sunset. Guess its hard to imagine. SUCKERS! I kid, I kid! It was amazing, though. I highly recommend it this also.

A couple days after we arrived, Meghan's friend Colin came with his man friend Dave. They stayed at Rayvadee Resort. $800/night. Amazing. But still not worth the $784 difference. The pool was amazing though. Looked right over the beach. It was nice having him there because it gave us an excuse to go out, which we have rarely done on this trip. It was a good place to do it. We found this place called Small World tucked into the forest. Had cheapish drinks and firedancing tightrope walkers. I kid you not. It was just about the coolest thing I've ever seen. I have a video that will be on facebook once I return. Our time on Krabi was great. One day we went kayaking, one day went rock climbing, one day went caving and hiking. Then it was on to Koh Phi Phi. I wasn't too happy about this, as I've heard its just a built up tourist trap. It is. But I had no choice as it was Dave and Colin's choice. I forced myself to have fun and drink buckets of booze and party all night on the beach and fire jump rope, and fire limbo, and jump through a ring of fire. It was hell. Gosh I am a spoiled little shit. Brian and Emily from Madison joined us in Phi Phi as well. They are teaching English in Korea and jumped ship without papers to be with us. I jump roped with Brian. It was bromantic.

We said goodbye to Dave and Colin, who headed to Phuket while we took an overnight bus to Bangkok. We had to connect in the same hub where we waited for 4 hours for the connection. This time it was 20 minutes. Matty likey. Bangkok Khao San once more, but this time just for 4 hours. Jumped online then headed to the local bus station for bus to the border to Cambodia. At the border the tourist police tried to rip us off. Yay, Cambodia!!!

We hired a taxi to take us the 1 1/2 hours to Siem Reap, home of Angkor Wat!!!!!